Many families enjoy a drink or two during Christmas, whether it is a beer while cooking, a glass of wine during gifts or an aquavit after dinner. For most adults this feels completely normal. The problem appears when drinking leads to small but noticeable changes in behaviour. That is when alcohol can become the elephant in the room on Christmas Eve, especially for the children who see and feel the shift long before adults notice it themselves.

Christmas is magical for children. It is a season of traditions, smells, lights and excitement. At the same time, it is a period of increased drinking among adults, often in settings where children are present. Around 90,000 children in Norway grow up with a parent whose alcohol problems affect daily life, and many more experience that parents drink too much from time to time. According to Av-og-til’s Ragnhild Kaski, even mild changes in tone, laughter or physical closeness can make a child uneasy, especially if they have past experience of a parent becoming different during drinking.

Child psychiatrist Paul Joachim Bloch Thorsen explains that silence around alcohol can be frightening for children. When no one names what is happening, their imagination takes over, and they may blame themselves or feel shame. Children react differently. Some shut down, some withdraw, some act out or try to control the situation in an effort to keep the atmosphere stable. This is why Thorsen encourages families to talk in advance, while everyone is sober, and to agree on how to speak up if someone is drinking too much. A short, calm message like “now I think that is enough” can prevent situations from escalating.

Naming the elephant in the room can feel dramatic for adults. For children it is often a relief. When someone acknowledges what is happening, the child feels seen and no longer alone with their fear. As Thorsen puts it, the elephant becomes less frightening when it is recognised instead of ignored. Ragnhild Kaski encourages adults to talk about alcohol use before celebrations, to speak up in uncomfortable moments and to explain to children afterwards what actually happened. Christmas should feel safe for them. Elephants belong in many places, but not around the holiday table.

Find more from Av-og-til (Norway, December 2025)